An Open Letter to my Dog

Dear Benny,

You're a great dog, really. We love you. You fill our home with joy and rowdiness but that's not what this letter is about. This letter is about how you filled Ethan's room with something...well, not joyful.

Listen, pooch, we've been through a lot together. From your dog patterned baldness and skinny frail frame (which I quickly fattened up) to your incessant need to bark like a maniac at the sight of any other living creature be it dog, man or *especially* bird.

But Benny "The Pooper" is best left for the wrestling circuit. We'd like to have our sweet, non- house pooping dog back. If we do not see a change in your pooping habits, we really will send you to Abu-Dhabi with Nermal - and we both know how much you love cats.

Sincerely,

Mom