Anyway, on to the picture of Kate spanking little Leah outside of their family home. I think the media is blowing this SO out of proportion! It is one of the top stories on abcnews.com (here).
Here are my thoughts on spanking (in no specific order):
1. Spanking is biblical. Here are a bunch of verses that support non-abusive spanking.
2. There is a difference between a spanking and abuse. Sadly, too many times this method of discipline is used incorrectly.3. Kate is not in a public place disciplining her child. She is at her home. She is on her private property. I stand by the idea that paparazzi are pretty much professional stalkers and the practice should be outlawed....even if that means no more TMZ.Parents abuse this tool when they choose to:
1. Discard it totally.
2. Use it as the only form of training.
3. Lose sight of its objective (disciplining the child).
4. Use it to humiliate the child or to get even with him or her.
5. Use it in anger or with selfish desires.
4. My husband and I spank our son. We have rules and consequences listed out very specifically and spanking is the 4th level on our discipline list.
After redirection, traditional time-out and modified time-out fail, that is when we administer a spanking. Mind you, he is warned at each level of the next level to come so it never comes as a surprise to him that when he's acting out in the modified time-out level that he's in danger of getting a spanking.5. In my humble opinion, spankings should only be given when the child fully understands what is going on and why, on a clothed bottom, NEVER IN ANGER and with an OPEN HAND.
6. I was spanked and slapped throughout my childhood with many different things from switches to shoes to flyswatters to belts. While I believe that spanking on occasion is permitted, I personally do not condone using anything other than an open hand.7. I hate HATE hate giving spankings. It's the one thing in parenting I dread the most and for a couple of reasons: 1. I don't like to hurt my son. 2. It hurts my hand! 3. It hurts me emotionally so I know it has to hurt him emotionally too.
Here's how consequences work in our house. Since Ethan has some special needs we are very specific and structured with our rules and discipline. I'll outline our rule list for you tomorrow most likely.
1. ALWAYS be clear about the rules of your home. Make them general enough to cover a range of things but specific enough to clear up any confusion.
2. Since we pair our rules up with Scripture not only is Ethan learning that it's against our rules, he's also learning that he's breaking God's rules. Don't worry, we tell him ALL about GRACE too, check out #4).
3. We have very specific levels of discipline in our home. (**make sure at each step you explain to your child why he/she needs redirection/warning/time out/spanking!**)
- Redirection/warning. Pretty self explanatory with the exception that E knows he will only get one redirection/warning and we let him know that a time out will happen if he doesn't "straighten up".
- Time Out. We do the traditional time out in our house: he sits indian style, quietly in the corner. One minute for every year of age. We add a minute each time he talks or gets up until he reaches 5 minutes over his year of age (does that make sense?). When he reaches that 5 minute mark we let him know that if he disobeys again, he will either stand in the corner or have to sit in his room.
- Modified Time Out. Depending on where we are and what the situation is we will either have Ethan stand with his nose in the corner or he has to take a time out in his room sitting on his bed. If he still chooses to be disobedient during modified time out, we let him know very clearly that the next time we have to say something to him he's getting a spanking.
- Spanking. When it comes down to this level, we make sure Ethan is well aware of the reason and we let him know that we expect him to stand up and take his discipline like a big boy. We do not allow him to run or flail around, we expect him to take responsibility for his actions. If he disobeys in this area we will give him two spankings instead of just one.
4. GRACE! Always follow up with grace. I cannot emphasize this enough!!! GRACE, people, GRACE!
Reassure your child that you love him/her and what the reason was for the discipline, whether it's regular time out or a spanking. Let them know that despite breaking a rule, you still love him/her, treasure him/her and that *best of all* GOD still loves him/her.
In our family, discipline always leads to the Gospel. We explain to him that when we break God's rules it separates us from Him and we cannot live happily with Him when we don't obey. BUT God loves us SO much He sent Jesus to die on the cross to save us from our sins so that we can spend FOREVER happily with Him in Heaven.
After all that is said and one, we seal it with a hug and a kiss. Then, off he goes.
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So in a nutshell, this is the way we handle discipline in our home. It is time consuming and difficult. We want to train Ethan up in the way he should go and that takes lots of time! It's well worth it.
"The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently." Proverbs 13:24
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So, I'm curious. Where do you stand on spanking?
7 comments:
I believe you should never spank in ANGER!!! Sometimes mommy needs a timeout and then come back and take care of things!
i have a hard time knowing when to and when not to. My son is at an age where you can not reason with him. He doesn't quite get time out and warnings and taking privileges away. So I feel like all I ever do is spank his hand or pop his leg. But I hate that because I don't know that he understands. And it's REALLY a toughy when he hits me and then I turn around and spank him only to tell him, "we don't hit."....except i just hit.
Anyway....i'm a first time momma that is learning. And I know it will get better when his vocabulary and understanding is bigger.
It's very controversial indeed but I hope that Christian parents are Biblically disciplining their children and as you said, spanking is OK as you outlined. I agree, thanks for posting - I haven't reached this point YET but it's a good time to give it some thought.
x
We spank. With a soft belt. To me, using my hand is too close to hitting, while the belt is able to be associated with the spankings, I don't want them to associate my hands with that, if you get my meaning.
We also us timeout, and taking priviledges away before spanking as well. And while I need to be better about relaying it back to the gospel (didn't think about that!), we always hug them and tell them we still love them afterwards.
These are some GREAT comments! I did want to point out a statement that Mandy made...
"We spank. With a soft belt. To me, using my hand is too close to hitting, while the belt is able to be associated with the spankings, I don't want them to associate my hands with that, if you get my meaning."
I never thought of it this way but it makes SO much sense!!! This is certainly something I'll discuss with David! Thanks for that point!
Keep 'em coming ladies!
My boy is still a baby, so we are not spanking yet. I pray that God doesn't give us many opportunities TO spank, but we will if the need arises.
I agree with the way you have fenced the need to spank and I like Mandy's observation about why not to use the hand. A very wise mother of 7 relatively well behaved children in my church uses a wooden cooking spoon for this purpose (on clothed bottoms of course.)
I hate the way that the media is stalking the Goslins even though I do not care for them nor have I ever watched their show (I am morally opposed to IVF). I think that you can see from the photo, though, that she was definitely spanking in anger. That's they rub.
WE DO SPANK SOMETIMES. BUT VERY SELDOM. THE BOY JUST GETS TOO UPSET. I DO SOMETIMES SWAT HIM ONCE ON THE BUTT FOR OPEN REBELLION, BUT A TRIP TO HIS ROOM OR "NOSEY TOSEY" WHERE HE PUTS HIS NOSE, TOES AND HANDS ON THE WALL NORMALLY DO THE TRICK. IN PUBLIC I WILL SOMETIMES TUG THE HAIR AT THE NAPE OF HIS NECK AS A WARNING THAT SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN IF HE DOESNT STRAIGHTEN UP. IF THAT REMINDER ISNT GOOD ENOUGH, WE GO HOME AND HE GOES TO BED, IT DOESNT OFTEN COME TO THAT.
YOUR GUIDELINES FOR SPANKING WERE SPOT ON. YOU ARE A PRACTICAL MOTHER. KUDOS.
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