My God...

...IS AMAZING!



I've been going through quite a spell as of late. I've been feeling like my walk with God has been barren and burdensome (that's bad, I know); the Lord has brought conviction upon me because of my prayer life; the women's ministry I lead has become a source of pain and frustration; taking care of my family hasn't been my second priority (1st is my relationship with God)...and a countless number of other more embarrassing things.

Tuesday night and yesterday it all came to a head. Sins have been revealed, relationships changed and friends have left (or are leaving). All of this has brought me to a point where I'm wondering "Why is all of this happening to me?!" The ugly head of legalism pops up and tells me it's because I'm a sinner and too bad for the Lord to be gracious. It tells me that since I didn't do this, this and this the Lord is going to allow bad things to happen to punish me.

Yesterday, around lunch time, I had a chance encounter with my husband. See, I only have a half hour for lunch where I work and David had called at just the perfect time for us to meet up at the house for just about 10 minutes. I cried, bawled actually, and he comforted me and that really was an encouragement. Then, I got back to work and my friend Krissy stopped by to pick up a CD and I got to vent to her and she was also a great encouragement. Then, I went over to my mom's house....long story not so long, it was a good evening where the Lord calmed my nerves, gave me peace in my heart and, I think, showed me what He wants me to do.

This morning I got up and took David to work and E to daycare then went back home to do my quiet time and get ready for work. I read in 1st John again and He comforted me more with this passage:

"Beloved (don't you just love being called that?), now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:22-3

It was a great time of personal revival in my heart. I can't even begin to explain how comforted I was even with the fact that I'm about to make two absolutely heart wrenching decisions: 1) I'm going to suspend the women's ministry that I've been blessed with for the last 3 years and 2) my husband and I are going to start praying about whether or not North Euless BC is where the Lord wants us.

David and I have never gone to any other churches (as prospective members) ever. We got baptized at NEBC, married at NEBC, adopted and dedicated Ethan while at NEBC, started ministries, got involved with teaching, fell in love with out pastor and his family, met all of our friends there (or forced them to start attending). This is going to be a big decision because we love our church; even if it is messed up, disorganized and seems to have a split personality.

Anyhow, back to the topic. During my QT the Lord laid on my heart four things that I need to work on.
1. Develop a habit of prayer
2. Develop a habit of study (studying the Bible)
3. Be careful of things that distract me
4. Pray to be revealed hidden sins, repent of them and be held accountable for them

Then, after I made this list I went into my room to get ready for work and stopped to read something out of an old devotional I had. You'll never believe what is says...

"Changeable experiences often lead an anxious believer to ask, 'Why is this happening to me?' I looked for light, but lo, darkness came; for peace, but behold, trouble....Lord, You do hide your face, and I am troubled. It was only yesterday that I could read my name clearly; today my evidences are made dim, and my hopes are clouded. Yesterday I could climb to Pisgah's top and look over the landscape, and rejoice with confidence in my future inheritance; today, my spirit has no hopes, but many fears; no joys but much distress. Is this part of God's plan with me? Can this be the way in which God would bring me to heaven? Yes, it is even so. The eclipse of your faith, the darkness of you mind, the fainting of your hope, all these things are but parts of God's method of making you ripe for the great inheritance upon which you shall soon enter...Oh, do not think, believe, that your sorrows are out of God's plan; they are necessary parts of it. 'We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom.' Learn, then, even to 'consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds.'" - Spurgeon, Morning & Evening, May 22nd Morning

Praise You, Father, for You are good and worthy of praise!