Why I Haven't Lost Weight

WARNING

YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ THE POST

OF A DESPERATE WOMAN

AT THE END OF HER ROPE WITH

THE STRUGGLE AGAINST

GOOD FOOD AND LAZINESS

SHE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS COMPLETE

BREAK DOWN AND DECIDED TO

BLAB IT ALL OVER HER BLOG FOR THE WORLD

TO SEE.

PLEASE FORGIVE HER TEMPORARY LAPSE OF SANITY.

I am about 80 pounds overweight.

It's embarrassing for me to write that but, I have to. Nothing else has worked.

Ever since Michelle, the Biggest Loser, inspired me to attempt weight loss again I have been struggling to find out why I'm not dropping the pounds.

In high school I was at my healthiest weight and size (size 8), could eat anything, and was very active. I played JV softball, took weight lifting classes on top of that and even ran after work everyday. I was pretty much an expert at cardio/weightlifting and healthy eating.

That is what has dumbfounded me until today: I have all the knowledge. Why can't I just lose the weight.

Here is what I think my problems are:
1. I love food. I love fattening foods especially. I grew up eating foods that make Paula Deen's cookbooks look like fat free vegan fare. I'm not kidding. Butter, lard, bacon (my absolute weakness), potatoes (ok, taters too)...I could go on.

2. I hate diet food. I'm the worst at eating salad. I don't really like fish. I get bored with chicken. Buffalo (YUM) is too expensive. Granola...more like snorola. And broccoli - what the heck is broccoli anyway.

3. While I'm not sedentary (who can be with a 5 year old wild man?) I don't work out on a regular basis. I'm not a fan of sweating. Work out clothes in "women's" sizes are either uncomfortable or absolutely hideous. I don't have the time or the energy. (I know, I know: If I make the time the exercise will give me energy.)

4. I stress eat. Take today for example: I went crazy at lunch today after a bad night that resulted in us staying at my moms (I won't go into details), being sick for 3ish weeks, getting into a fight with my MIL, planning Christmas (the cause of the fight with MIL), working out insane bank stuff, and dealing with my absolutely out of control child - I had 1 bag of Ritz Bits cheese crackers, 1 roll from Macaroni Grill, 2 pieces of lasagna, 2 sugar cookies and 1 (tiny) slice of cheese cake. (I know, I know exercise is a great stress reliever. Too bad I can't exercise at work [i get a 30 minute lunch, so walking is out of the question]).

5. Eating right and gym memberships are EXPENSIVE. Seriously. It's cheaper for me to buy a bag of chips than a stalk of broccoli (what the heck is broccoli anyway). Seriously. Hot dogs, buns and mac and cheese feed my whole family for less than $10 while a meal of grilled chicken, steamed veggies and whatever else costs AT LEAST $10 for the chicken. Ridiculous.

The government should fight nationwide obesity by helping reduce the costs of healthy foods and gym memberships.

Anyway.

I need to lose these 80ish pounds but I have zero motivation.

I need a support group who will hold me accountable, who will kick me in the shin for eating a donut when I should have had an orange. Who will force me to go on a run even if that means having to get out there and run with me. Who will make sure that I blog about my progess (or my lack thereof). Who will shower me with praise even if I only lose 1 pound.

By this time next year, I would LOVE to be back in a size 8.

I miss being taken seriously.

I miss being able to sit wherever I want without worrying about whether I'm too big or not.

I miss shopping for clothes.

I miss J Crew.

I miss swimming without shame.

I miss having only one chin.



Anyway, enough rambling from the crazy girl. I'm off to find some full sugar/calories coke.

Diet starts tomorrow. Details to come.

This may become a weightloss blog for a while if this takes off!

Cause, really, how many weightloss sites are there when the person who's writing is starting out at 80 lbs overweight?!