Cutting my Losses

So I'm going to "cut my losses" at the advice from my sweet and wild four year old.

I've tried to blog about three or four times today to avoid telling you what's really going on in my life right now.

I really don't like telling about the super personal stuff that's happening in my life but today I feel it's necessary for healing.

It all started Thursday. I am very late for my monthly, er, "visit" and so (even though my sweet hubby told me not to) I decided to take a pregnancy test. It came out positive.

I immediately started crying and praising the Lord.

See, David and I aren't sure whether or not it is possible for us to have children. In the past 4 and a half years we've done nothing to prevent a pregnancy and we've never had a moment where we really thought we were. So, this was HUGE for us.

HUGE.

Since David was already at work and he had our one and only cell phone I had to wait to call him from my office. He was so excited all he could say was "Really?! REALLY?! REALLY?!?!?!"

We decided that we wouldn't tell anybody but my closest friends and our parents until after my doctor's appointment. Everybody was very excited for us!! It was a great feeling to go around and tell our parents and my close friends.

Friday rolls around and I have a terrible migraine but, for obvious reasons, I couldn't take anything for it except two Tylenol. So, I left work early and went straight to bed and slept for about 5 hours before David and Ethan got home.

When they woke me up I went into the bathroom to wash my face (I hate the way my face feels after naps) and when I was drying it off I noticed the box for the pregnancy test on the counter.

While looking at the picture on the front and still not believing that my hubby and I were going to have a baby I noticed that the picture of the negative test looked like my pregnancy test.

Immediately I knew that I had accidentally read the test wrong and, according to the test, I was not pregnant.

Needless to say, I had to tell David. He was devastated. Then we had to call all of our family and friends and let them know it was a false alarm.

Sadly, the weekend didn't get any better and because I was an emotional wreck I didn't make things any better.

The only good news is that I am still showing some signs that a little one maybe on its way. Please pray for us in this time of uncertainty. There's a lot happening in our family right now and, sadly, I'm not resting on the Lord as much as I should be. If I am not pregant we will be fine and we will adopt again, as the Lord leads us.

"Sing, O barren.

You who have not borne!

Break forth into singing, and cry aloud.

You who have not labored with child!

For more are the children of the desolate

Than the children of the married woman," says the Lord